Teresa McKelvey

There are days I get up after the hubby has gone to work, get coffee, sit down at the computer and go straight to writing and have a great writing day. Those days are very rare. Most days I am pulled in numerous directions and have very little time to just think. Taking time to write, taking time to shoot a Youtube video, taking time to put a blog up, these are all hobbies for me. You see I view my life as the person who doesn’t have an actual job and doesn’t bring in any income from YouTube, Blog, or my Book I am writing, therefore, those are hobbies and the real value I bring to the table is taking care of my family. 

That means I am always looking for that perfect timing when all is well and I can go do my thing. Well guess what, you probably already know because you see it reflected in your own life. There is never a perfect time. When we make a decision to get fit there will always be something else that needs to be done during the time we designated as work-out time. Pastor Chris at our Church (Church of the Highlands) has told us that many times his best offers to play golf or go to speak come during the time he has set aside as 21 days of prayer and fasting. He says it never fails that during a time that he has given God and will not travel are the times the best opportunities come to him. However, Pastor Chris always says no because he is actually saying yes to giving God the first of his year in fasting and prayer.

It is easy for me to say, well the things I want to do are not as important as fasting and prayer time so it is okay that I put them aside for others needs. Is that really true though? Can I ever get published if I never finish the book? Can I ever then use those funds from the sold book to help my family if it is never finished? Can I ever get in shape and have more energy for my family if I never take the time to exercise? Can I ever make someone laugh with a silly YouTube video if I never shoot and publish the video? Are these things I want to do not as valuable to my self-worth and passions as my family? Truth is my family is exactly why I am so driven to create. I have a passion to create content in all forms in order to make others lives better and to make my family proud of me. Every time I set that passion aside to go meet a need of someone else I am losing an opportunity to encourage, inform, and even better myself for my family.

Then comes the really true question, did my setting aside of my schedule actually help that person I went to serve? I am learning that sometimes we can get in the way and steal others blessings, rob others from an opportunity for growth, and enable some to unhealthy dependence on us by allowing our own NEED to be a help. Trust me the words I have just written are some of the hardest learned and yet the most powerful, life changing truths I now cling to.

My NEED to feel important to those whom I love and cherish, my NEED to feel that I am a humble servant serving others as Christ has commanded, these NEEDS have made me an ugly person at times. This is difficult to accept and hear for us servers of the world, but you and I are not serving, we are hindering when we are doing it for the wrong reasons. Let me explain. By creating an environment where you are the only person others can call on, you are saying to someone else who could meet a need that they are not needed and unnecessary and you are hindering their blessing. When we help someone who should be helping themselves we are hindering growth for that person. When we put aside our purpose that God has clearly given us to do in order to help someone else we are hindering what God’s will for us is from being fulfilled. I heard a great statement a few days ago (by who I can not remember,) they said, “Every yes you say is a no to something else.”

I have really taken this new understanding to heart. At first I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin by not rushing out the door to be the helper of the world. I felt selfish, rude, and mean. Then I started to see others light up seeing that they could help, I saw growth in those who thought they needed help as they learned new skills to help themselves, and I started to feel the Holy Spirit stronger in my life as I fulfilled my creative callings. I want to add this one little thought that has actually been a huge practice I now try to live out. There are times that allowing someone to serve you, is actually you serving them. Jesus washed the feet of his followers. Let this thought truly sink in, it is like passing the baton to your team mate. When you stop being the worship leader so that someone else can lead, you get to sit and be served by them while you are serving them. That is powerful! I feel like jumping up and down this is so powerful. I woke up at 5am this morning with a need to get this out of my heart and onto my computer screen. I will say it another way. Letting your daughter-in-law host Thanksgiving in her home, in her own unique way, is serving her. We have to accept that Christ died for us. He did the helping, the saving, the sacrificing, and by accepting His gift, we are loving our God. By allowing others to serve you, you are loving (serving) them. When you say no to doing, you could actually be saying yes to far more than you know.

However this is not an easy area to know when to serve and when to not which is why I struggle so much. It is true that there are times when you have been placed in a family or organization for just such a time to say, yes! Like the picture above. That picture was taken on a day when I didn’t think I would have my grand daughter. Something unexpected happened and I got to spend the day with my Coco Bird. (I don’t know why I call her that I just do.) This was a an unexpected opportunity to say no to my schedule and yes to loving and creating memories with my little one and helping my son and his wife out of a difficult situation.  We are in a privileged situation in that both myself and my daughter in law’s mother live close so we can both help out in emergencies. If she always said yes (she lives closer) I would never get a chance to help out and vice versa.

Because it isn’t always clear when to say yes or no, or when to pass the baton, I created some questions that I ask myself and I ask the Spirit to give me insight. I use these questions as a guide to know the difference of when to help and when to get out of the way. 

• Is saying yes to fulfill my NEED or their need?
  • For me – then say NO
  • For them – then say Yes

• Is there someone else who could help and who would probably enjoy helping?
  • Yes – then say No and suggest the other person and allow their blessing
  • No – then say Yes
• Is saying yes, saying no to something I know I should be doing?
  • Yes – then say No and get busy
  • No – then say Yes
• Is this something they should be doing for themselves?
  • Yes – then say No and get out of their way of growth
  • No – then say Yes
• Am I saying yes out of duty and will I resent them in any way afterwards?
  • Yes – then say No 
  • No – then say Yes
• Is it time for me to pass the baton?
  • Yes – then say No and serve someone by allowing them to serve
  • No – then say Yes and get busy